I haven’t posted in years. I haven’t wanted to say what has REALLY been going on. Its nice to post when things are fun and everyone appears to be happy. But lurking under this Alaska dream was a shadow side..and it hasn’t been pretty…and I have stayed silent FAR too long.
This story will most likely unfold over more than 1 post as there is much to say. If you saw my last 2 posts, My Temporary Home or Fishing you have seen Jim, who I THOUGHT was going to be the perfect match. Online dating sites…gah! Plenty Offish if you ask me…lol But how was I to talk to, find anyone at all without some kind of Alaska State filter on some type of social media? You know what they say… In Alaska the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
I found out the hard way, GET A BACKGROUND CHECK! There were all kinds of red flags and I ignored them, its embarrassing to say, especially at my age.
The 1st red flag I ignored was the ‘roommate’ who turned out to be a woman, but “don’t judge!” was barked at me Hmm, I lived in a commune house, so never been one to ‘judge’ a roommate. But he HAD offered her phone #, so I figured it was legit.
WARNING!! If I had called her, I wouldn’t be sitting here with this story right now.
Next was the line “one of us has to go” re: roommate situation.
Hmm…that REALLY didn’t sound like roommate talk. It sounds more like “I’m pissed off with this chick and want out” talk. At this point, my spidey senses had already picked up lil nuances…I should have listened.
Less than a week before the Alaska trip, he told me the female roommate was an ‘old’ girlfriend. DANGER! DANGER! WARNING WILL ROBERTSON!! I barely had time to process any of it, and figured I had the 4k mile trip to think about it.
And then just like that, I was off for the 4K mile journey to Alaska to hopefully arrive by my birthday. It was all a whirlwind, and everything lined up just right. Elmer got me there the day before my birthday, and I was left to meet Jim face to face in a Wally World parking lot. Since he looked like his pic, everyone had my #, and I had Elmer’s # in case of any problems, I was left in the hands of Jim, who couldn’t take me home to his place…
Again more red flags; what was wrong with me? I had to pay for the hotel room…no, I had to pay for EVERYTHING!! He arrived penniless with a 2nd hand necklace for a birthday gift…and oh yeah, he thought it the BEST time to mention he had had a stroke a few months back…whaaaaat? Isn’t that something you should have informed me of, I don’t know, weeks ago? Argh! He claimed the damage was very minor- an eye now watered when he ate, and it had a twitch underneath.
Since it was my fantasy trip to Alaska, I had to make the best of it, but I was on limited funds. When I wanted to look at properties for sale, Jim told me it wasn’t worth it without money in hand. I REALLY didn’t like that. I was IN Alaska to check out potential areas to live, so after 3 days of basically sitting in a motel, we were forced to spend the remaining time I had at Elmer’s. While there at Elmer’s, we made a trip to one of Elmer’s lady friends who needed some carpentry help. Jim obliged. I didn’t like the way she was all handsy on him, bragged about it, but worse, Jim allowed it. Back at Elmer’s, Jim spent a majority of the time outside cutting thru ice/snow and channeling water down Elmer’s driveway; not because anyone asked him. More red flags with Jim’s anti-social behavior, but I laid it off to his being shy, although he certainly wasn’t shy with Elmer’s lady friend.
There were several places on my list of properties that were close to Elmer’s but Jim was unresponsive or gave the same answer-useless with no money. The only time I got to see properties was when Elmer took me, and then it wasn’t the main one I wanted to see. I left Alaska feeling disappointed in my property search, but felt a tugging to help Jim who seemed to be down on his luck. When we got to the airport, I got dropped off like a hot potato. He claimed they charged for parking…Do you know it has taken me THIS LONG (nearly 5 years) to figure out that he had $$ in his wallet??? and still dumped me off ‘because they charge for parking’. I swear, what the heck was wrong with me?
Before I even left AK, Jim asked for money. As soon as I got home, a trailer of mine sold and that money was nearly all sent to Jim; wired actually. It cost me extra $$ so that he could have it immediately. Shortly after my vacation was over, Elmer decided that if Jim and I didn’t spend the winter here, he was going to close the house up. NOW I REALLY had the pressure on. And still Jim was NO help. Had excuses about why he wasn’t working and he still asked me for more money!!! Since I figured we were going to ‘be together’ and this was my ‘Forever’, I excused it. And by then, he probably knew he had me sucked in.
What was ‘self employed handyman’ ?
Translation: Doesn’t even THINK about moving before 10 a.m., and definitely won’t be ready for a darned thing before noon or better, and THEN is ready to quit by 5 after having a lunch break somewhere in between!…some work ethics! Of course, I didn’t know this until he was living under my roof.
I hope to warn any other women he may target. Alaska is a huge state, but the choices are limited. Here is his picture again and his name is James Gross. The last name says it all about him. I have only told the very tip of the iceberg. Suffice it to say Jim was not a good match and we have long since parted ways, Thank God!
Signing off on this very bad chapter in my life,
Cindi